did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
