it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
