I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
