Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Randomize
