Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I stole a fireplace last night.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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