you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize