He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
