gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
