In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
