we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
