My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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