I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
