I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
