just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
