I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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