just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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