i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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