a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
