is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
