Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
