After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
