Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
