just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
