Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Randomize
