THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
