this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
