If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I want a musical about memes.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
