My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
bring money and cleavage
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
