Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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