Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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