someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
