So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
