i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
