So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Randomize
