i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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