I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
