please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
