My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
