meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
