he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
