Screwed.edu
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Randomize
