I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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