Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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