can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
