i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
