This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
