Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
