come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
