ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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