Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
