Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
